6. People watch what you do, not what you say
You could repeat the phrase “I need you to respect me” all day, yet if you do not follow through with your demands, they fall on deaf ears. The concept of respect is all about actions. You could be faced with rude behavior, yet if you just sit there and take it, then that tells them that it is acceptable.
Respect is not something that is debated; it is the atmosphere you create through consistent behavior. People are constantly testing where your boundaries lie. When you say you can’t tolerate the silent treatment anymore, but still respond warmly at the door, holding hands and acting normal while they ignore you for days, your words lose their weight.
7. Being “nice” isn’t the same as being a 24/7 hotline
Because of some reason, most of us have been taught to believe that being “kind” means being available at all times. We feel bad if we fail to reply to a text immediately or if we say no to a favor we don’t have the energy for. However, the truth is that when you keep yourself available for everyone, then your time is no longer seen as something precious but as a routine that is expected. People do not appreciate things which are readily available to them. When kindness doesn’t include “no” in your vocabulary, then it ceases to be kindness and becomes emotional exhaustion.
8. Trust your gut, not just their “good days”
Don’t be fooled by the fact that they treated you nicely last Tuesday. Instead, take into account the bigger picture. Every single time after you finish talking with them, if you walk away feeling as though you’ve been run over by a bus – tired, worried, or even just “small” – this is your red flag.
Having good moments occasionally should not be the ticket out of a relationship that constantly leaves you feeling unappreciated or devalued.
9. Don’t chase people who won’t meet you halfway
Many of us have this tendency to give and give to people who are giving nothing of their own in return. We feel like, if we just try harder, understand better, and be more caring, then the person we’re with will finally come around and appreciate how amazing we are. This is a misconception about respect.
Respect is built upon reciprocity—the exchange of effort. When you’re the only one putting in any effort, then you aren’t creating any type of bond, but rather carrying the weight of someone else’s laziness. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with stepping back and seeing who rises to meet you there.
